Negative thoughts are sometimes so commonplace in our lives we aren’t even aware they’re happening.  Perhaps we’re so used to beating up on ourselves that we consider these damaging thoughts to be our mind’s way of playing Devil’s Advocate.  Learn to differentiate between a true warning of a need for clarity and destructive thoughts that not only take away from your self confidence but send negative energy out into the Universe to create obstacles and roadblocks exactly where you don’t need them.  Thinking of the worst case scenario is fine if you’re totally prepared to handle it; be aware that thoughts are powerful and by thinking of the worst that can happen, you can actually generate it.

How do we break this negative thought pattern?  I personally like to freeze these thoughts.  Literally freeze them as in imagining them becoming an ice cube and then smashing that ice cube into millions of pieces.  Then mentally I sweep up the pieces and place them in a box used only  for this specific purpose.  With practice, you’ll be able to catch these thoughts before they even fully form and freeze them.

Do not allow others to implant negative thinking into your mindset.  If someone points out a bad habit of yours, take steps to change it.  If someone seems to go out of their way to criticize you, ask yourself for clarity on this.  Is their judgment objective or do they have an ulterior motive?  This seems to be especially commonplace in the work environment.  Allowing negative thoughts to rule your life amounts to self-cursing.  You need to clear your mind of these before you can proceed in obtaining your goals.

Many women are familiar with the Lamaze breathing techniques which teach you to focus through pain.  If you are able to focus through the pain, you are able to utilize the power of the pain and send that power elsewhere.  This will not relieve or lessen your pain, although the knowledge that your pain is accomplishing something may give you more endurance or help you to be at peace with your situation.  The first step to using the power of pain is to acknowledge and recognize its power.  The second step is to determine that you will survive this, that pain will not defeat you.  The third is to leash that power and send it elsewhere.

Once you realize that you are not going to win the battle against pain and you’re going to have to tough it out, you can put pain to work.  Perhaps you’ve got a toothache, the pharmacy is closed and you can’t get any pain meds until morning.  Choose a focal point for that pain.  It can be a good or malefic goal – remember, you are using the power, unless you choose to utilize the pain itself and I don’t recommend that unless you are a very experienced magickal practitioner.  Start with using the power to fuel a positive action or project.

Let’s say you wish to gain a promotion at work.  Focus on that job.  See the hiring manager smiling as they tell you the position is yours.  Send the power of your pain to that situation.  All the force of the pain you are feeling is now behind the decision makers who will give you the job you seek.  Concentrate and hold these thoughts as long as possible.  If you are suffering from pain that makes it  impossible for you to focus, such as a migraine, then this probably is not the time to use this trick.

The best circumstances for using the power of pain is when you are suffering from pain that does not affect your thinking – aching muscles, toothaches, labor pains etc.  Be your own judge as to how much pain you can stand and release your thought before you take any pain relief medications.  For experienced magickal practitioners, you can definitely send your pain to selected (and hopefully deserving) recipients but for most of you, focus on achieving a positive goal.

When you own your life, you gain power over it, your past, your present and your future!  This is one of the many keys to success!  I am one of many who have “uglies” in my past but I choose to focus on the blessings that gave me strength and hope and got me through incredible obstacles.  I know where my power lies and if you choose to become a rootworker you should too!  Accept and believe in who you are!

If you are having difficulties re-visiting your early life, focus on your early surroundings.  What kind of environment did you grow up in?  Urban, surburban, rural?  There had to be many things in your environment that sustained you.  Journey back and learn what has helped you to survive and thrive for no matter where you are in life, there are legions who have not attained your age.  Learn from this!

Virtually all the successful and powerful Rootworkers I know are in touch with their own personal roots, the good, the bad and the ugly.  It gives them power like you cannot imagine.  It makes them as swift in the night as an owl and sharp as St. Barbara’s sword.  It gives them the fearlessness and fortitude of Geronimo.  Nobody has had a perfect childhood or even a perfect life for that matter.  It’s all in how you survive that matters.  Rootworkers know how.

First of all, you have rights.  Don’t let anyone tell you how you should be feeling.  Well meaning people always say to think of other things, other times but you deserve the right to grieve in your own way and at your own pace.  Decades may have passed since your loss but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel pain.  If dealing with the holidays becomes too painful, perhaps a holiday time-out is in order.  Take a hot bath, put a favorite movie in the DVD player, go for a long walk away from anything that reminds you of the holidays, do a yoga workout.  It’s okay to blow off steam and vent.  Anger is part of grief.

Don’t assume you have to cover up your grief in order to bolster others feelings.  You have a right to be sad and if others can’t accept that or deal with it, that is their problem.  You’re not responsible for their reality.  Talking about your missing loved one can help you a lot at this time, especially sharing happy memories of holidays past.  It brings them into the present.  I have placed my family pictures in a more prominent place in the dining area, so they will be part of the festivities.  I can look over and see their smiling faces.  This might not work for everyone but it’s helping me.

Do things differently this year if it’s too painful to carry on past traditions.  Eat out, stay home, decorate or not.  Do what feels right to you!  Be prepared for mood changes.  You might be having fun and bam!  Grief comes and hits you right in the solar plexus.  Be flexible with yourself so you can easily deal with this.  Don’t put pressure on yourself by trying to do too much and finding yourself crying in the kitchen alone because suddenly you’re overcome.

It’s okay to cry.  It’s always okay to express your feelings when people ask you how you are.  People who truly care about you will want to know.  If you just want to be alone with your grief, that’s okay too.  Make sure you pay attention to yourself though, because our deceased loved ones do not want us neglecting ourselves.  Some time alone is okay…becoming a total recluse is not.

Nothing is set in stone.  Next year you might feel differently about the holidays.  Grief is a never ending process.  It’s also something that we as a human race all share.  No matter who you are, your status in life, you lose someone you love, you grieve.  You are not alone.

Usually, it doesn’t take much to get an older person talking about “the good old days”.  Although some folks may go on and on about some uninteresting topic, if you are skillful, you can probably coax them into sharing folk magic tidbits.  Ask Aunt Tilda why she doesn’t put her purse on the floor and you may get a treasury of magical folklore that you had no idea existed!  Of course you don’t want to come right out and state that you’re digging for magickal tips, you have to be subtle about it.  Figure out the best way to phrase your question so that it is open ended and relates to the person’s past.

If there aren’t any elders at your family gathering, then focus on the in-laws.  Every family has their own quirks and what better way to get to know your in-laws than by asking them about their own family traditions?  It’s an easy topic segue from Xmas to New Year’s and many families have New Year’s traditions to bring in prosperity.  If your family members are sensitive to the “magick” word, then find another euphemism.  Your goal is collect folklore and survive the gathering.  Even if Cousin Jane rants on and on about how evil Aunt Gertrude used to make them eat grapes on New Year’s because she was superstitious, you don’t have to disagree to get her to keep talking.  A simple “oh my and what else did she do?” should bring forth a plethora of old family traditions.

Keep in mind not all of what you hear will be new or usable but you’ll get through your gathering with your sanity intact and hopefully more than a few magickal gems of knowledge.  And your family will be none the wiser!

No one can succeed with every case and every worker has their limits in terms of caseload.  For a worker to take on clients they don’t have time to do work for is totally and completely wrong.  If I feel a client has a strong chance of success with their case but I know I do not have the time or energy at the present time to devote to their cause, I will pass them on to another worker I feel I can trust.  A good worker will never short-change a client by taking on cases they don’t have time for.  A greedy or needy worker will grab every case that comes across because they want the money and they will do some work…when they can squeeze it into their busy schedule.  Your request might be one of many that are being prayed/chanted over when the price you’ve paid would indicate the worker was devoting a significant amount of time to your needs alone.

Questions to ask your worker up front:  Why do you do this type of work?  The answer will come in many forms but the meaning will be the same…because I love to help people.  How many cases do you take on at a time?  The answer to this should tell you if the worker you are considering is one who simply places multiple requests in a bowl on their altar on which they light a single candle every day or someone who is truly going to put some individual power and intention into resolving your issue.  How long should I expect this work to last?  Will we be in communication while the work is on-going and in what form?  If your worker doesn’t have time to exchange emails with you or doesn’t follow up in some way, shape or form, that is a strong sign of a worker who is overloaded.

I believe one of the most self-empowering things a person can do for themselves is to work a magickal spell to change their own life for the better.  That’s why I prefer magickal coaching over taking on a client’s case.  Once you have worked a spell successfully, you will own those results and build self confidence in your control over future situations.  Yes, Magick is a business but first and foremost, it is an Arte.

All right, the economy sucks and there are less dollars to compete for but don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Everyone seems to be hopping on the psychic fair and ghost hunting bandwagon and making claims that are so exaggerated they should be ashamed of themselves.  Come on people!  Most folks who visit mediums do so out of grief –  NOT CURIOSITY.  Yes, the veil between the worlds is thin this time of year but that does not mean you can guarantee Uncle Walter will come through with the exact message you’ve been waiting for.

So, you may ask, what are my options then if I do want to hear from a deceased loved one?  How do I avoid getting ripped off?  First of all, lower your expectations.  Madame Whosiwhat is not going to produce a complete conversation with the person you want to hear from the most.  Be open to whoever comes through.  Deceased loves ones do not sit around on the other side waiting for a psychic telephone to ring.  Don’t expect dramatic proclamations. Messages come through in many ways and most mediums are clairaudient, meaning they hear things others don’t.  The things they do hear are often not clear; it’s like listening to a badly tuned in radio station where you can understand every 3rd word.  Those words that do come through may not have an immediate impact on you but will probably make sense later.  Take notes.  Some mediums see spirits or see images that the spirit sends them.  Again, this is not a crystal clear picture like on your tv set.  Images especially can be confusing but much of the time it’s the spirits way of validating to the client that it really is your uncle George or old neighbor Hal coming through.  Many times, one spirit will lead the way for others.

My own experience is to avoid large “gallery” type events like the plague.  A vague, “I have a female with the letter M” will of course get many responses and those who are having the hardest time with grief are usually the ones eager to make ANY connection.  Paying a small fortune to watch someone else grasp at straws to reassure themselves that their deceased loved one is okay is not something I recommend.  Be wary if the medium asks too many questions up front.  The name and date of death is all that is needed.  A picture or something that belonged to the person is also ok.  If the medium asks you questions regarding what she or he is receiving, a simple yes or no response should suffice.  On the other hand, if you go into a session closeminded and refuse to give any information out, determined to “test” the psychic, be prepared for disappointment.

To obtain the best results, relax, be open minded and again, TAKE NOTES.  A mediumship session is highly emotional and some of the signs/symbols the reader sees could have significant meaning on later reflection…meanings you will miss if you forget what was said.  Reputable psychics will allow tape recording of any session.  I always recommend people either take notes or record the session.

There are many different forms of divination but those most commonly available to the consumer are tarot readings, psychic readings and palm readings.  Not all tarot and palm readers are psychics and not all psychics use divination tools for their readings.  It’s important to note that before choosing a reader.  The market is currently flooded with people who have taken “certification” classes or memorized “meanings” from books and set up shop as readers.  You’ll find the insights gained from these readers are little different from those free online readings spit out from a software program.  The reason being you must have a psychic gift in order to perform reasonably accurate divination.

Palm readers may promise to tell you your fortune but the art of palmistry is based on character analysis and tells more about the person and their health than their future.  The basic insights gleaned from palmistry are:  how many serious relationships you will have, how many potential children and insights on your mental and physical health.  Palmists who are able to give you other insights are utilizing their psychic abilities; by touching your hand they are making the connection necessary for them provide you with the divination results you desire.

Tarot readers who are not also psychics will interpret the meanings of the cards and nothing more.  While this may at times ring true with what is happening with your particular circumstance, most of the time the interpretation depends on which source the reader used to determine the meaning of the card.  There is no one true way to read a tarot card.  There is no one true tarot deck; there are hundreds of different decks available and each comes with its own little white book of interpretations. Others come with an accompanying paperback book giving the author’s interpretation of what each card means to them.   There are many books written about the tarot and just as many written about how to read the tarot, what spreads to use, what decks are best etc. etc.  Just because someone has studied a deck, read books or taken a “how to” class does not make them a gifted reader.  At best, they are storytellers who compile the meanings of the cards into a narrative.

Psychic readers may or may not use cards, pendulums, crystal balls, dice, shells, runes or other forms of divination.  Some may touch your hand, others may simply sit across from you.  A psychic reader has a special gift – be it clairaudience, clairsentience or another form of enhanced intuition.  Many will have a spirit guide who assists them during readings.

What should you expect from your reading?  Insights on life situations you are facing, things that have recently happened in your life that you may not have fully dealt with, and future events such as relationship/career changes, travel, monetary developments are generally what you will hear.  Many times, your family and close friends issues will appear in your reading.

How should you prepare for a reading?  First of all, relax!  No ethical reader is going to give you dire news and send you on your way.  It is difficult to read for people who close themselves up and try to shut the reader out, seeming to “test” the psychic abilities of the reader.  You’re wasting your money and both yours and the reader’s time if you’re going in with that attitude!  I once had a client book an appointment for a mediumship reading and as is my custom, I instructed the client to bring a photograph or something that had belonged to the deceased person.  When the client arrived, not only did they not bring anything, they refused to give me the deceased’s first name because “they didn’t trust psychics”.  Well, why bother coming then?

Even if you are only having a reading for fun, you’ll get the most out of your session by being relaxed and open minded.  Don’t worry about what the cards look like, listen to what the reader is telling you.  Take notes or better yet, record your session!  Also, think of questions to ask beforehand.  If you’ve booked a half hour session and the reading seems to be all about your family and friends but you really wanted to know about your backstabbing co-worker, speak up!  I know for myself, if I don’t write down my questions before hand, when I go see a doctor I tend to forget them and suddenly the appointment is over and I don’t get my information!  Psychics are not mind readers.  They relay the information that comes to them.  If what you’re hearing isn’t what you came for, tell your reader and ask your questions.  Although the information they are giving you is certainly valuable (and you may not realize it until months down the road), don’t be afraid to ask the burning questions on your mind!

Quitting a relationship is akin to quitting smoking.  You pace, you go through withdrawals.  You try to distract yourself but you’re drawn back time and again.  How do I make this stop?  Is there a patch for emotional pain?  Well, kind of, there are drugs for mood disorders and there are doctors who will prescribe sedatives and anti-anxiety drugs to help you through a rough patch but do you really need to resort to that for a break-up?  In many (but not all) cases, I’d say no.  If it’s a long term marriage, there are children involved, a history of abuse then by all means seek professional help.  This advice is aimed at those going through a run-of-the-mill break-up.

Make it a clean break.  Get everything of yours back from the other party, especially pictures.  Give them everything of theirs back.  Delete their contact information from your phone/address book.  Clean your house with lemongrass and pine. Rearrange the furniture if you can or redecorate if possible.  Thinking about changing your looks?  Many times after a break-up the first thing people change is their hairstyle.  This can be a good thing but don’t do anything drastic.  Whatever you do, make sure you’re doing in a positive way.  Don’t chop off your long lovely locks simply because your ex loved your hair.  If you’re tired of brushing those tresses and feel it’s time to make way for a new you then go for it!  But here’s a small but powerful thing you should do before you start making changes to yourself.  Take a spiritual bath.  Cleanse away all remnants of your romantic feelings, your emotional pain.  Grab some lemon balm, hyssop, salt, mint, vinegar and make a tea to be used in your bath.  Make it a good, long soak.  Wipe yourself downwards, and concentrate on removing all traces of attraction to your ex.  Concentrate on clearing your emotions so that you will be open to moving forward with your life.  When you are finished, let yourself air dry and powder yourself with lemon and mint scent powder.  You should be feeling stronger, clearer and ready to move forward.